You draw me gently to my knees

being sick makes me miss home, a lot. my mom called when she found out i wasn't feeling well, and i missed so much being sick at home. the way my parents would come home after working all day and immediately come see me on the couch, asking me how i'm feeling, pouring me juice, checking my fever, brushing my hair off my forehead and making sure i had something to eat. its hard not to miss that expression of love. i miss the comfortable sounds of family in the house, being in the middle of everyone on the family room couch, and actually getting to spend time together. instead i'm stuck in my dorm, trying to catch up on work, using up 2 boxes of tissues, and having to turn down dinner invites. being sick at college stinks. but guess what? the Lord taught me something. surprise? nope, i don't know why i still am sometimes. 

yesterday i acted like the baby i am. i only had one class, and its a huge lecture that i'm constantly not paying attention in, so i skipped (shhh). but i stayed in bed and slept until 10:30, something very unlike my healthy self. then i gathered the strength and ventured out into the world to stock up on groceries, soup for the sickness and hot chocolate and peanut butter, the necessities. after that i came back and slept more, then spent hours trying to study and concentrate for my exam that i had today...that i hadn't prepared for at all...luckily my friend was willing to give up hours of his day to skype me and help me figure things out, i'm so blessed. but after bumming around all day yesterday, i had a completely packed day today. 8 am class, 9 am exam, 10 am class, then straight to math to learn material and take an exam, then finish a paper and peer edit another paper. i was dreading today. and i knew i couldn't do it on my own. i just didn't have the strength. so i prayed, a lot. in everything. each step of the day, i prayed. and then i realized, why don't i do that every day? 


i've been learning a lot about prayer this past year, i've been challenged and encouraged and taught so much by it. it's so cool. seriously. we are talking with our Creator, our God that holds the world in His hand. literally. and can we just talk about the fact that He knows us? already? every thought before we think it, the words before they are formed on our tongue. not only do we have Someone that craves to do life with us, alongside us, guiding us, but He knows us. already. there are no words needed, no expressions to be explained, no looks to be deciphered. no texting miscommunications, no tone mistakes. He KNOWS us. He knows me, and all he wants is to be invited into my heart. He WANTS me. He knows my broken heart, my sinful thoughts, the things i desire that i shouldn't, when i conform to the world, and He WANTS me. 


"Remain in me, and I will remain in you." -- John 15:4

He promises me, He wants me forever. if i remain in him, He will remain in me. through everything. He wants  cherishes me. the rest of John 15:1-17 goes on to say how we can do nothing apart from Christ, and now it leaves me wondering why we would ever want to do anything apart from Christ? i know i don't. and that means actively asking Him into my every day, every action, every conversation. He humbles me, He teaches me, He prunes me, everyday. and i'm sweetly broken, wholly surrendered.