dare you to move

i wish i could have a translator. ever feel like that sometimes? that a small little person could crawl into your head and sort out all the thoughts that are jumbled? or maybe a little person that could go into your heart and ask it why it's feeling the way it is. that would be nice.  

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here.

m.

cold steel and bright lights

today i had surgery, woop woop. it was crazy. i had no idea what to expect, but just as i was told, things went great. not only was the staff awesome and my surgeon cracking jokes the whole time, i probably saw 4 people i knew such as parents or people from the church. that was pretty cool. i was intimidated, as i always am with new things, but i really loved being able to pray through every step of the way. i knew my back was covered, regardless of my nervousness. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 corinthians 12:9, that was my injury verse through this whole process. freakin sweet. 

but this whole situation really speaks volumes to me. i was taken down initially my sophomore year in one of the first games of the season. things were awesome for me. i had beaten out an upperclassmen to start over her as defensive center-mid, and we were playing a legit team. i was pumped. i had been playing so well. early in the game, i got taken out from behind. since then i've been battling the injury, playing off and on as much as possible, but finally realizing that playing my senior year of soccer wasn't smart, or even possible. but for the two years leading up to july when it was determined i needed surgery, i was under the impression i could fix myself. i was sure that therapy and exercises and R.I.C.E. would make me better. i was for sure i could do it on my own. that was the hardest part of my injury, the realization that i had been helpless the whole time, and if i would've just realized that i wasn't going to be able to make it better myself, i would've been living a healthier life a year or two before now. this situation reminds me exactly of my life with Christ. 

i don't wish my story was different, because then i wouldn't have the life that i do now. same for my injury. as much as i missed soccer, wished i could've played my senior year and witnessed to my team, i know that i wouldn't be where i am in my life without this constantly crippling problem that forced me to reevaluate my life and focus on something that loved me back. cause soccer never did. not after that game sophomore year. 

we are helpless. we cannot clean ourselves up. but luckily, we were given someone who could. and He was given as a gift, because we are so loved. let Him clean you up, you will never be able to do it on your own. it doesn't matter if you're a believer, a critic or a skeptic. let Him clean you up. you can't do it on your own, and trust me, you don't want to. it only brings disappointment. 

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

m.

there ain't nothing wrong with all the places that i've been, but Lord won't you take me home again?

FREEDOM! i'm done. no more school. for an entire month. in fact, for an entire 34 days. i'm so pumped. and excited. and woo! and my classes next semester are gonna be so great. i'm so excited for christmas. here i haven't gotten to celebrate at all but now i can go home and watch all the christmas movies i want and listen to christmas music and wear my santa hat and jingle bell everywhere. YESSSS i'm so glad i survived finals week 2k11. next time you hear from me, i'll be home #partyandpartyandyeah

oh and this made me laugh today :) 

LET THE SHENANIGANS BEGIN! 

m. 

i hate exams.

i'm not the most studious person you'll ever meet. hearts over homework, that's my motto/excuse for not focusing on school. honestly if someone says they need to talk, its game over for my school work. which i'm glad about. but here's the dilemma. i hate exams. and its exam week. and i hate exams. i thought high school exams were annoying, but now i realize that for the most part, i knew all the information on those. in college, thats impossible. also, our high school does a horrible job with preparing us for college, because in truth, exams actually count in college. like a lot. like to determine your grade a lot. and that's not cool. or fun. what is cool or fun is studying with really awesome people til 1 am, that makes studying really fun. but here's the thing. that only could happen once. and now i'm in my room, not wanting to study. not wanting to do school. i just want to evaporate. i hate exam week. 

my getting to be close with friend wrote Colossians 3:23 all over my paper last night. and thats helping a little bit. dumb college. 

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." - Colossians 3:23

i have some wise friends. maybe they can take my exams for me?

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m.

hokie nation

yesterday i was walking into my dorm after breakfast in christiansburg with one of my friends. we heard and saw probably 8 cop cars go flying past, sirens blaring. we had no idea what that was all about, but went into my dorm anyway. as soon as we got into my room, we got the alert for a VT lockdown. there had been shots fired, and a VT cop had been killed. we were on lockdown for five hours, and in that time there was another death. it is believed that it was a murder suicide, and tech is hurting. 

we were so close. my dorm is one of the closest dorms to the scene, and we were outside as it was happening and yet we were so unaware. just like that, two lives were taken. the hardest part was not being with my friends at tech. i needed to feel a sense of community, a sense that i was with the ones i loved. i wanted to be with everyone in a room, praying hard. instead i had to resort to making trips to the bathroom to pray because the one i was with doesn't really support that. 

thank you for everyone who contacted me. everyone who was freaking out because they hadn't heard anything from me because my phone wasn't working. everyone rallied behind tech, and me, and we need that. tragedy hit tech yesterday, but it could happen anywhere, to anyone. our world is so broken, i've just never had such a close-up, first hand experience. but it is broken. i know tech has had more than a fair share of tragedies, but i wouldn't want to be anywhere else. i've never known a school of almost 30,000 students to feel so united, so close. we are a community, and i would never, ever want to be anywhere else. don't worry about our campus, just pray for us. the Lord is at work here, and He will bring the good out from the bad. pray for our ministries, that we may continue to reach more and more students and that the Lord may continue to change our campus in huge ways. He is the God of this city, and He will protect us. 

Deriek W. Crouse, thank you. you served and protected us, and i am praying for your loved ones. thank you so much. 

"From the outside looking in, you can never understand it. From the inside looking out, you can never explain it. Virginia Tech is more than a school.. It's my home and family. Our campus does not deserve this heartbreak. neVer forgeT & pray for Virginia Tech. We will always prevail."

m.

scary fun radical frightening tearful joyous restful stressful dominating humbling goofy painful clumsy thoughtful. that has been my week. a true roller coaster of feelings, thoughts, relationships and responsibilities. such a million little things that have come together in one week, leaving me without a chance of guessing what will happen next. i kind of like it. 

i went home for thanksgiving, and it was great. too short, but still great. over the weekend i got to meet up with two of my dear freshmen friends. they are so full of life. and it's sweet to talk to them separately and see just how much they love and depend on each other for faith and fellowship, it reminds me a lot of my relationships with my dear sisters. i'm going to be honest though, i was scared. they are both lovely, strong, beautiful girls that are growing in the Lord, and i honestly could not be any prouder. but i had an upsetting thought. after my time with one of them on saturday night, i wondered if i was supposed to still be leading them. is it fair for me to want time with them and to know their hearts when i'm not with them everyday? figuring out this new equation of me being away has been really hard. my girls are not only my girls, but they are dear friends that know my heart better than a lot of my friends that i've had for years. and that trait reminded me that i'm no longer their leader, but we're friends. i want to share my life with them and learn about theirs. i will always be there to encourage and teach them, but i hope to be at their graduations and weddings not because i led them on some weekends and weeks at summer camp. i want to be there to celebrate everything life has to offer. i also want to be there when the world seems like it has gotten to be too much, not because its my responsibility, but because i love them. and that's something unbelievable that i love about Young Life. it is true, it is genuine, and it is done in a way similar to how Christ lived. and i love that. and i love being a part of that. 

 

 

 

 

"We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us." - 1 Thessalonians 2:8

you are dear to me. 



m.