cold steel and bright lights

today i had surgery, woop woop. it was crazy. i had no idea what to expect, but just as i was told, things went great. not only was the staff awesome and my surgeon cracking jokes the whole time, i probably saw 4 people i knew such as parents or people from the church. that was pretty cool. i was intimidated, as i always am with new things, but i really loved being able to pray through every step of the way. i knew my back was covered, regardless of my nervousness. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 corinthians 12:9, that was my injury verse through this whole process. freakin sweet. 

but this whole situation really speaks volumes to me. i was taken down initially my sophomore year in one of the first games of the season. things were awesome for me. i had beaten out an upperclassmen to start over her as defensive center-mid, and we were playing a legit team. i was pumped. i had been playing so well. early in the game, i got taken out from behind. since then i've been battling the injury, playing off and on as much as possible, but finally realizing that playing my senior year of soccer wasn't smart, or even possible. but for the two years leading up to july when it was determined i needed surgery, i was under the impression i could fix myself. i was sure that therapy and exercises and R.I.C.E. would make me better. i was for sure i could do it on my own. that was the hardest part of my injury, the realization that i had been helpless the whole time, and if i would've just realized that i wasn't going to be able to make it better myself, i would've been living a healthier life a year or two before now. this situation reminds me exactly of my life with Christ. 

i don't wish my story was different, because then i wouldn't have the life that i do now. same for my injury. as much as i missed soccer, wished i could've played my senior year and witnessed to my team, i know that i wouldn't be where i am in my life without this constantly crippling problem that forced me to reevaluate my life and focus on something that loved me back. cause soccer never did. not after that game sophomore year. 

we are helpless. we cannot clean ourselves up. but luckily, we were given someone who could. and He was given as a gift, because we are so loved. let Him clean you up, you will never be able to do it on your own. it doesn't matter if you're a believer, a critic or a skeptic. let Him clean you up. you can't do it on your own, and trust me, you don't want to. it only brings disappointment. 

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

m.