freestylin

i make really spontaneous decisions, and an example is this blog. so if i don't keep up with it, oh well. but it's worth a shot. i love revisiting old memories and thoughts, bits and pieces of the blessed life that i have, hence the blog. maybe i'll be able to capture a piece of myself in it, maybe it will just be words on a screen that go unread, but either way, its mine, and i'll take pride in it.

i'm a senior now, and today marks the first day of my last nine weeks in high school, mind blowing. i honestly never thought i'd be here, and i guess its the sort of thing where no one really things they'll ever get to this point. i'm very content in where i am in life, simply because my peace with Christ. i'm striving to make my last bit of rare time in high school count, a time to chase my peers and love them well. i don't care for regrets, so i try not to have them. every night before i go to bed i ask myself if i would "relive" that day. i'm blessed enough that almost every day i say yes. i have a beautiful family, one that i adore. i have a sister and two parents that love me like crazy, i'm so beyond blessed. teppie is everything i hoped she would be and more. i wake up inspired by her every day. have you ever watched your prayers be answered flawlessly, right before your eyes? i have, teppie is my blessing. but besides blood family, i have my family in Christ. i have a sister that i honestly don't know how i lived without for so long. cbay laughs, cries, rambles, hesistates, hand-motions, doubts, loves, and talks with me in every aspect of my life. how we aren't the same person amazes me, but i know she will be in my life forever. i consider her as much my sister as teppie. i have a handful of close brothers and sisters that i would run to the end of the earth for, and i know they'd do the same. honestly, i didn't know relationships could be this way, but boy, was i wrong.

i honestly know i could not live my life without some sort of steadying block. Christ is my all. i'm a mess, honestly. i'm forgetful and always late. i hate planning out my week much less my day. i love sitting in parking lots watching the cars go by, and driving with music at night with the windows down. i love sweatshirts and blankets, and being on the phone late into the night. i don't understand a lot of things, i have a thousand more questions than answers, but the only answer i really i have, so i can't complain. i love thrifting with my sister, and my vans are my favorite pair of shoes. i guess you could call me a closest photography freak. i love eating ice cream out of the carton, and the feel of chapstick on chapped lips. i love the warmth of sunshine, and the taste of lemonade. i'm simple. i can't wait to fall in love. bright colors are my favorite, and i probably wear too many bracelets. i'm never anything but me, and it's something i'm proud of. i'm set in who i am and who i want to become, i guess its just the getting there that i have to figure out.
i wear my heart on my sleeve. i'm open and vunerable, and many times i feel like a doormat. i've learned that people will let me down, but Christ never will, and that rules when the world drools. i never want to wonder "what if", so i take risks with my heart. i do things passionately, always head over heels. this can be rewarding, but it also can hurt like heck. it's how i got my heart broken. i trust openly and completely, and i forgive always, even if it's hard to forget. i fidget a lot, and i overthink like it's my job.

i'm living life the only way i know how, to the fullest, with Christ. i'm free to be whoever i want in this crazy life i'm living, i would say i'm just freestylin it.

m.